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The real voyage of discovery
consists not in seeking new landscapes,
but in having new eyes.
~Marcel Proust
We spend a lot of time driving. Often while driving, you don't get to spend much time really observing the scenery. This weekend the weather was beautiful, so we decided to stop and take a closer look at the things we usually speed right by. It's interesting to see how different things look at zero miles per hour:
Fading weeping willow. One of the few trees still with leaves...
This swampy area is right off the road. It reminded me of Neverending Story...
I was a little leary of being so close to this aging barn...
A "retired" orchard. Rather creepy, even in broad daylight as we were...
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“Is Santa real?” That is the question of the season. On its heels: “Does he really come down the chimney?” “Do reindeer really fly?” “Is the same Santa that makes all the presents the one who is at the mall?” “What are elves?”
And thus, the dilemma presents itself to parents each year: to tell the truth or not.
(Credit: Norman Rockwell Source: SeriousPuzzles.com)
In six Christmases, I’ve chosen to stand on the literal side of the fence. Santa Claus isn’t a real man that comes down your chimney (okay, that’s just a bit creepy of a thing to have children thinking anyway, isn’t it, really?), living in the coldest place on earth, with a bunch of small workers called elves, riding an enormous magical sleigh pulled by flying reindeer all around the world in one night to every child’s home and leaving them presents based on his determination of year-round childhood “badness” or “goodness” (heck, we even avoid those judgment calls in our daily parenting). I just don’t like to tell my kids that he IS, when – he’s not.
Now, I don’t say things to my children things like, “Other kids’ parents tell them that Santa is real but it’s really just THEM giving their kids presents”. I don’t want my kids to be the “revealer of parental untruths” to children whose parents may be riding the Santa-is-real train. I’m not out to squash the spirit of Santa. Really, the spirit of Santa is okay with me. It’s more the concocting layers of false “evidence” (cookies half eaten, left by the fireplace, “footprints” in the snow, etc.), in order to convince children (who by their very nature are very literal and want to believe their parents) of the really realness of Santa, that rubs me the wrong way. I prefer to just treat him as part of the holiday landscape that he is, without creating stories; without eroding trust.
When direct questions about his realness come up, I turn the conversation to them – allowing them to formulate their own opinions, like:
Question: Does Santa deliver all the presents in one night?
Answer: Do you think that’s possible to do? How many kids are there in the world? How big is the world? How fast would he have to fly to make that possible?
Question: Does Santa come down everyone’s chimney?
Answer: Does everyone have a chimney? What about kids who don’t?
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not a Scrooge. I really do love Christmas; it’s my favorite holiday. I enjoy decorating, putting up the tree, singing Christmas songs, buying and making gifts for people, and baking cookies (especially baking cookies!). Christmas is warm and magical and wonderful.
But what I don’t like about Christmas is the untruthful-business surrounding all-things-Santa: the acceptance, even expectation, that lying to children at this time of year is appropriate and encouraged (I’ve had strangers come up to my children and warn them they’d “better be good this year, or Santa won’t bring them anything for Christmas”, followed by a knowing wink to me). I’m simply not comfortable with telling my children that being truthful is important – only to lie to them about Santa.
Telling children Santa is real might be festive, magical, fun, or even helpful to shape behavior around the holidays, but to me, the cost of wrapping the fun of the holiday in a package of deception isn’t one I’m willing to take on, just for the sake of not killing the magic.
Christmas IS magical because of actual, real things: picking the most perfect present for someone you love and watching their eyes light up when they open it on Christmas morning. Christmas IS magical when you’re listening to Enya singing O Come, O Come Emmanuel and you get chills. Christmas is magical when you’re walking around in the crisp, frosty air, look at the Christmas lights twinkling in the newly fallen snow. Christmas IS magical when you wake in the morning to beautifully wrapped presents under the tree and the smell of cinnamon.
I don't want my children to experience the let down of “finding out the truth”. I want them to always have real reasons to look forward to Christmas morning, even beyond the age of Santa belief, real reasons to behave, and above all, real knowledge that when their parents tell them about something, they can trust it, and believe it. So this year, like others, I’ll treat Santa as another adornment of Christmas – just like the tree, the lights, the stockings, the presents, and the music. All of these things can be magical – are magical – without the baggage of untruth.
So, how do you handle the Santa dilemma? Are you a Santatheist? Or do you convince your children that Santa is real?
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Delicious Autumn! My very soul is wedded to it,
and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth
seeking the successive autumns.
~George Eliot
Autumn in the sky...
...and Autumn on the ground.
Natural Treatments for Eczema
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My daughter has battled eczema for the better part of 6 years – since she was a teeny tiny baby. Over the years, we’ve tried many remedies – from the natural to the over-the-counter to the prescription. Some things have worked better than others, some seemingly not at all. Eczema is a frustrating ailment and the “cure” is elusive – even to doctors. With time, and lots of experimentation, her eczema has improved dramatically, though it’s never completely gone. I’ve found that the prescription “medications” work no better than the natural remedies, and so we avoid the toxic stuff as much as possible in favor of the natural solutions. Here are some natural-minded treatments which have worked best for us - divided by things that go on the skin, and things that go in the body.
(Artist: Orrling Source: Wikimedia)
Things that go ON the skin:
#1 – SOAP (don’t use it!) – One of the most simple and effective changes was eliminating soap from the bath. As a baby, just water, with a bit of baby oil (NOT Johnsons & Johnsons – they use mineral oil & artificially sourced fragrances – go with something simple like jojoba oil, or baby oil by Badger brand) on a washcloth was enough to keep clean, and gentle enough not to irritate her sensitive skin. As our baby grew into toddler who gets into everything, having some kind of cleanser started to become more of a necessity. Enter colloidal oatmeal. When added to the bath water, it helps with cleansing, as well as moisturizing, and soothing. Aveeno makes a colloidal oatmeal that is 100% colloidal oatmeal (they also make one that’s loaded with other stuff, so read the labels carefully – the plain oatmeal is all you need). Once my toddler graduated into a little kid, we had to make the leap into:
#2 – SHAMPOO & BODYWASH – Hair just doesn’t get that clean with colloidal oatmeal & baby oil (though we did try!). After experimenting with many brands of shampoos and body washes, the best thing we’ve found for balancing cleaning with keeping sensitive scalp & eczema-prone skin irritation-free is California Baby’s Shampoo & Bodywash. The one (significant) downside is the price. It’s expensive to the extreme – but – it’s the only thing that doesn’t irritate or sting, even an active eczema outbreak, so we continue to use it.
#3 – OILS – After bath, especially in the winter, it’s so important to moisturize. Not just ON the eczema patches, but everywhere on the skin, to lock in the moisture. Under the guidance of pediatricians and dermatologists, we’ve tried the Eucerin and the Aquaphor and the Uber-expensive-designer-prescrition lotions, yet the gentlest solutions we’ve found for moisturizing eczema are the simplest:
1) Coconut Oil – you can buy this in small bottles for a small fortune… or… if you’re not turned off by the presentation (i.e. a glass jar with a metal lid instead of a pretty plastic bathroom-styled bottle), go to the cooking section of your natural food store and get some organic virgin coconut oil. The upsides: It smells heavenly, and is completely non-irritating. The downsides: it needs to be warmed before every application – though we found that floating the jar in the sink filled with warm water while we were bathing, gave the oil plenty of time to soften. Also, it is quite greasy, and doesn’t absorb well… so this is best applied in the winter, when PJs will be put overtop, to keep the oil from getting all over the bedsheets.
2) Jojoba Oil – you can also buy this in small very expensive bottles, and I’ve yet to find it in larger bottles for much savings. The upsides are that it is unscented (so you can add essential oils if you’d like, or just leave it be) and that it’s already liquefied, so goes on smooth without any preparation or roughness which is helpful when eczema is very irritated. The downside, aside from the cost, is that it too is quite greasy – though it absorbs more quickly than the coconut oil.
3) Badger Baby Balm – This is a soothing, good-smelling, pretty basic balm made from olive oil, castor oil, beeswax, and essential oils. The only downsides are that the tin is very small for the price, so we went through it quickly, and because of the thickness, application is pretty limited to small areas. Coconut or Jojoba oil is much better for larger areas of application – like all over the legs. The balm is better for hot spots (like behind the knees).
#4 – DETERGENT – Clothing detergent is a tough one. I’ve found that using NO detergent helped most with cutting down on the irritation, but, of course, clothing can only stand it so long being washed in water only. I’ve tried many of the natural brands, even ones made specifically for cleaning cloth diapers (thinking they would be more gentle; this didn't seem to be the case). The best result I’ve gotten – meaning, clothes are clean, smell fresh, and no irritated skin – comes from ECOS brand. **
#5 – FABIC SOFTENER – DON’T USE IT. Just that. It is highly toxic and downright nasty. For information on fabric softener, and why you shouldn’t use it, read this.
#6 – CLOTHING – Choose cotton over synthetic materials, as much as possible; particularly organic cotton if you can find it. Acrylic & polyester don’t let the skin breathe, and in my opinion are just more rough on the body. My daughter’s eczema definitely became more irritated when she wore fleece.
Things that go IN your body:
#1 – ALLERGENS – identify and avoid them! We discovered through trial & error with our daughter that she was sensitive to several different foods as a baby (even in my breastmilk), some of which seemed to exacerbate her eczema. When we cut out those allergens, her flare-ups were less dramatic. The allergens which seemed to trigger her eczema most were the proteins: milk, eggs, and soy. When she was about 9 months old, I started an elimination diet for myself, and she went back to a breastmilk-only diet. The results were rather dramatic – she was far less fussy, and her itchy, dry skin was much improved. I followed Dr. Sears’ recommended elimination diet (amended for my already vegetarian diet), started with a very bland, basic diet, and added one food every few days back into my diet, and then to hers. I kept a detailed food log – recording the date, what I ate, what she ate, any skin reactions, overall skin condition, and any change in her demeanor. It was tough, but well worth it as we were able to identify some items that seemed to aggravate her eczema.
#2 – HYDRATION – drink lots of water. If you are well-hydrated, your body, and your skin will be less dry overall. It can be difficult to get little ones to drink a lot of water, so we do things like special cups, straws, and bottles for water. Sometimes adding a splash of juice to the water makes it more appealing to little ones. I also think it’s important to keep the AIR hydrated – particularly in the wintertime – by running a cool mist humidifier. We also have a lot of houseplants which increase the overall humidity level and remove toxins from the air.
#3 – PROBIOTICS – probiotics are my go-to for everything, really. The easiest is unflavored powder which, if you’re breastfeeding, you can apply right on your nipple before latching baby on. It also easily mixes into baby’s bottle, or sprinkles unnoticed over food. Finally, I’ve mixed probiotic powder with a bit of oil and applied directly to the very dry spots – it’s balancing, and healing.
#4 – OMEGA 3s – increasing healthy fats in the diet really helps with skin condition and dryness (not to mention it is good for your heart and brain too!). Vegetarian sources include flax seed (which you can grind & add to your oatmeal or baked goods) and walnuts. Fish like salmon and herring also have high levels of omega 3s, and eggs from hens that are fed a diet which includes flax seed.
We’ve read that eczema gets less severe as children get older, and becomes more easily managed. So far, we have found this to be true, though it’s not gone completely for my daughter. I’m hoping with more time, she’ll outgrow it completely!
Have you tried anything I haven’t mentioned here? I’d love to hear more natural suggestions!
**I'd like to try Soap Nuts - which seems the most natural detergent of all, but once I find something that works for eczema, I'm loathe to change things up! If anyone has tried soap nuts, please let me know your experience.