Babywearing Over the Years
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Ever since my first baby was born, I was a babywearer! I didn't wear my babies 100% of the time, but whenever it was convenient for me, or when it was what my babies needed (which, if you have high needs babies, can be very often!). Since I retuned to working very soon after both babies were born (we own our own business), I started babywearing right from the start. My first carrier was a Snugli, which I bought from a big box store out of desperation a few weeks after my 1st baby was born, and we realized she didn't like the expensive organic pouch I bought while I was still pregnant, and she wasn’t going to be the type of baby who would lie or sit quietly while we went about our work My daughter loved the Snugli – I’d dance around while packing & shipping in our warehouse and she’d fall asleep. She really liked being held upright. I also had the New Native pouch...
Aforementioned expensive organic pouch
which she pretty much hated until she was able to sit up, and we could do the hip carry. When she was close to a year, after a failed attempt at an Infantino sling purchase...
Babywearing in front of the White House - She looks comfy, but my neck is KILLING me
(I bought one, wore it on one trip, ended up with a horribly sore shoulder/neck/back, and returned it afterwards. Though she loved it, I hated it. Interestingly, this sling was recalled several years later), I bought a more supportive and larger hip carry sling called the Mei Hip – which I adored.
Yay, Mei Hip! Okay, this is a weird photo, but still. Yay!
The mei hip is one of only two baby carriers I have hung on to for my kids "baby boxes". Somewhere in the middle of my daughter's infancy, we also bought a frame pack carrier so Adam could carry her (the pouch was too small for him and the snugli required a lot of strap fiddling to go from one person to another), and so we could hike with her (it had a built in backpack area & a bar that clicked out so you could set the pack down w/out taking baby out). We didn’t end up doing much hiking that first year, but it sure came in handy otherwise:
Babywearing at a baseball game!
Once my son was born, I realized quickly that I needed to carry him much more often than my first, because, if I wanted to be able to tend to my 2 year old, I had to have my hands free. My son also preferred an upright position, but did. not. like. the Snugli carrier (I find it so interesting the distinct preferences babies can have!). The Mei Hip didn't work well for infants, and while he did like the New Native, it wasn't that convenient to get on/off. A friend of mine made a padded ring sling for me which was wonderful & we got quite a bit of use out of it as a newborn – it was very supportive, held him comfortably upright, I was able to nurse in it, and it was easy to slip out of if I needed to once he had fallen asleep.
Padded ring sling & my thumb sucking newborn
As we moved into summer though, the padded sling was just too hot, so I was given a used Solar Veil sling, which became my absolute all-time favorite go-to sling (this is the other baby carrier I kept for posterity):
Adam wearing the Solar Veil
I recommend this sling to anyone who asks, as it is versatile – you can carry in many different positions, keeps cool in the summer, offers sun protection, can get wet & dries easily, lasts for years...
Solar Veil back carry at three years old
and is quickly adjustable so anyone can wear it. As he was nearing a year old, I realized though that the solarveil sling kept him very close, and he was getting squirmy and often wanted more freedom of motion - though he didn't yet walk, he wanted to chase his sister! I invested in the Ergo, thinking it would give him a bit more autonomy, while still keeping him close. Truth be told, while the ergo WAS very comfortable to wear, and Adam could wear it to, we never really got the hang of getting it on and off easily with a squirmy toddler, and once my son was back there, he often got “bored” and wanted to be down, or on my front where he could see me, so we didn’t get too much use out of it. Fortunately, there’s a good market for these, and we were able to sell it for nearly what we bought it. Go babywearingsharing!
Relatively comfy in the Ergo
Now that my children are 6 and nearly 4, I look back so fondly on my babywearing years. I miss it! I always loved baby wearing because I could keep my babies close, which made them happy. I could get work done while interacting with them which made me happy. I could keep them up closer to “my level” so they could see what was going on, what I was doing, and were able to interact more with the world around them than from a “stuck” position on their back on the floor or in the playpen or bouncer seat (note: we used all these as appropriate and needed, but I found it much easier to keep my babies comfortable in a sling/carrier – I always felt more intoned to their moods when they were on my body). All told, I had EIGHT baby carriers over the years (yikes)! Truth be told, I could have gotten away with about 2 – the Solar Veil ring sling and the Ella Roo Mei Hip. And as "uncrunchy" as the Snugli carrier was, it sure did serve my colicky first baby well!
So, do/did you babywear? How many slings/carriers did you have?
**This post was written for inclusion in the “Baby Carrier Fashion Show Link Up” at A Ruby in the Sunrise blog. Do you have a babywearing post you’d like to share? Link up!**
Weaning and the Changing Role of Mothering
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My baby has weaned. He’s three an a half years old. A big boy, yes. But my baby – my last baby.
I still vividly remember nursing him . . . my little snorting, grunting, squeaker. Snuggled up to me, tiny feet against my belly, filling his own. When he was full, he’d pull his head away with an audible POP!, purse his lips to the ceiling, then settle his tiny head on my breast and sleep, fulfilled, satisfied. My little one. So long ago, but I can still easily bring to mind the feel of the top of his head pressed against my upper arm, and my breathing in the warm, sweet, milky smell of his baby fine hair as we’d drift off to sleep. Breastfeeding mama-and-baby bliss.
His weaning marks the close of one of the most amazing parts of my life, so far: breastfeeding my children. The six years I have spent nursing were some times when I felt most needed, most helpful, most challenged, most useful, most utterly female.
To think of the years I spent nursing my two children and that I will likely never nurse another baby again nearly brings tears to my eyes. It’s not all sadness, those tears, not really . . . it’s a strange feeling. A bit of loss, wistfulness, pride, remembrance, transition. The transition was easier for me with my first, because when my daughter weaned herself at nearly four years old, my son was still nursing. But now that they are both done, now that I am no longer nourishing and healing and comforting my children with my breasts, my mothering role is changing.
Certainly, what it means for me to be a mother has been in continual flux for years – changing ever since my first baby was born – you really do grow along with your children. And the role of breastfeeding itself changes too – from the constant need for physical nourishment of an exclusively breastfed infant to much less frequent emotional comfort needs of a nursing toddler. Thankfully, Mother Nature makes those changes gradual: when babies and children self-wean, they do so in a way that lets you, your body, and your mind (and that of your children) more gracefully accept and adapt to the changes. But still, it’s not easy. Even though its been months since I’ve nursed, the real thought that I’m no longer a nursing mother – that I’ll no longer be able to use that valuable mothering tool of breastfeeding – for soothing, comforting, feeding, nourishing, healing – feels a bit uprooting.
(My two littles... nursing their "babies")
But breastfeeding was, and always has been, primarily about what my children needed. They no longer need my milk; they’ve both transitioned out of their baby stage. And thus, I’ve been transitioning myself out of my baby-nurturing stage.
I’ve been putting out some new mothering roots, trying out new tools, and am feeling excited to continue venturing into this next stage of independence with both of my children. I will always treasure – and be eternally grateful for – those years of breastfeeding that I was blessed and lucky to be able to share with my children.
I watch them now – nursing their own “babies” – and I hope that their current belief and understanding of breastfeeding as normal, natural, nurturing, and wonderful stays with them through their lives; that they will have the privilege and good fortune to breastfeed (or support their partner in breastfeeding) their own children in the future.
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This was cross-posted at Natural Parents Network - please take a moment to visit!
Keeping it Positive - Alternatives to No
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I believe children are better able to grow and flourish when they are in a positive, "yes" environment in which they can safely explore. Yet, often, as parents, we end up using the word "no" to guide our children's behavior, far more often than we may want to, which can lead to a negative environment where children are prohibited from exploring and growing to their full potential. Using the word no is easy and can become habitual - a knee-jerk response, and also can quickly become a toddler’s favorite word, and/or the word least paid-attention to by your children. This, in turn, leaves parents feeling ignored and children feeling stymied. Yet, children do need limits, and as parents, it’s our duty to keep them safe.
So what do you do when you want to keep your child away from something dangerous/fragile/breakable or need stop an undesirable behavior... but you don't want to say no?
Here are some alternatives to using the word No:
- Keep baby-unfriendly items out of reach and/or locked away until baby is able to carefully handle them, while keeping a few safer "adult" items out for baby to explore with you.
- Redirect the "no" behavior. If baby keeps going for the extension cord, and you keep saying no, and she keeps going for it, instead, get down on the floor with her, and redirect her with another intruiging (yet safer) object.
- Use the words "We don't..." and describe the undesirable behavior. For example, "We don't throw balls in the house." instead of just No! and taking the ball away.
- Go one step further and give a "We do..." alternative. For example, "We don't throw balls in the house. But we do throw trash in the garbage can - here, you try!"
- Use an alternate word like STOP! to keep a toddler from running into a dangerous situation or HOT! to keep toddler from reaching up to the stove. Stop and Hot actually give more specific, yet, quick instruction as opposed to No, which is more generic, and more likely to be ignored.
- Practice the Stop! and Go! game with your toddlers in a danger-free zone, like a back yard, where you have the kids run when you say Go! and stop right away when you say Stop!
- Use a weird word - HALT! or SLAM! or BEEP! or BOOGER! The word itself matters less than the tone of your voice, which is usually enough to get your baby or toddler to stop what they are doing long enough for you to intervene. Just keep a few surprise words in your back pocket - don't use them often, only when absolutely necessary to get immediate attention.
- If you must say no, modify it with an alternative, like, "No, but you CAN (fill in the blank)". For example, toddler is about to hit the baby, instead of just saying no, say, "No hitting baby, but we can hit the drum!"
- Take a breather. If your child is asking something that you're tempted to say no to right away, like, "Can I get a pair of shoes like that?" you can say, "Let me think about it", and then, do think on it. Maybe an alternative solution can be reached when you've had some time to think.
- Offer options as an alternative to no. Instead of, "No, we can't go to the zoo today" say, "How about we have a picnic in the back yard?" or "I just got a great movie in the mail; would you like to watch it?"
- Give an informational answer to a question that you might otherwise be tempted to answer with a no. Like, "Can I have a snack?" could be answered with, "Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes."
- Rephrase No to Yes. Instead of, "No, we can't go bike riding right now because I have a lot of work to do", try, "Yes, as soon as I finish my work. I should be ready to go in a half an hour."
- Have a Yes day (or hour, or minute)! Allow yourself to answer all of your child's requests for an allotted period of time with a positive answer, instead of a negative one. Certainly, if the request is, "Can I poke the baby with a pencil?" you've got to draw the line there (maybe with a fun redirection or No, but you CAN... statement), but if the request is, "Can I play with your phone?" or "Can I pour the juice myself?" or "Can I wear flip flops with socks?", try saying Yes, (and offering assistance if needed) instead of immediately saying no. I've found behavior turns around quickly and no's are more quickly responded to, when more yeses are used on a daily basis.
Do you have any other alternatives to saying No? I’d love to hear!
Ten Things To Do While Breastfeeding
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Breastfeeding is the perfect opportunity for true multitasking! Here are ten things you can easily do at the same time as you are nursing your baby:
1) Read. This is always my favorite thing to do while nursing! With my first baby, I finished many books in our marathon nursing sessions from the rocking chair. Clever pillow arrangement allows your hands to be free, or if you need a hand to support baby or your breast, you can get a book holder. Set up a little table right next to your rocking chair, set the book in, and you only need one hand to turn the page! You can also read in the side-lying nursing position – just prop the book on a pillow, behind baby, and you’re golden. I don’t think I’ve read as voraciously as I did those first couple of months; I used to hope my daughter would KEEP nursing a little longer so I could finish my chapter! :)
2) Sleep. Make sure your bed is baby-safe, and get yourself & baby comfortable in the side-lying nursing position. The hormones released during breastfeeding are naturally relaxing and sleep-inducing. What better way to catch up on much-needed rest than while nurturing your little one? Behind reading, this was definitely my favorite thing to do while nursing. If you can get older siblings to nap at the same time, fantastic! I found the best way to do this was to side-lie nurse, and have my then 2-year old cuddle up against my back. She could reach over & snuggle me, and her movements (if she wasn’t sleeping) didn’t disturb baby.
3) Play Poker. Yes, I have breastfed my newborn at the poker table! Really, with the right pillow or sling, you can nurse anywhere, doing pretty much anything. I’ve nursed while playing board games with friends, and I don’t think anyone knew the difference – not even my little one. He was just happy to be with Mommy.
4) Get on the Computer. Just bring a comfy pillow to put below baby for support, latch baby on, and voila – both hands free to surf the web, work, or blog. The first few months of both of my childrens’ lives, when I was working from home, I did a lot of my computer work with a nursing (or sleeping) baby on my lap. With the dawn of smart phones, getting out on the internet while nursing is simple – you can do it anywhere – one handed!
4) Have a Snack or Drink. I’ve always felt it is so important to have a drink of water with me while breastfeeding – I even kept a bottle in my bed, behind my pillow, for those nights when baby was asleep on me, and I’d wake up thirsty, but didn’t want to move (and wake baby!). In the early days, a healthy snack (or snackS for those extra-long nursing sessons) next to my favorite chair was just what I needed to keep me energized. Fresh fruit, whole grains, veggies are always the best choice. Try oatmeal – tastes great, is nutrient-dense, and helps boost supply!
5) Cuddle Baby’s Siblings. If you have older children, nursing presents a unique opportunity for cuddling ALL your babies! There’s always an extra arm (or hand or leg or foot) available for snuggling up to while Mom is nursing. You can read to older siblings. Or play simple games – like Go Fish, or Memory. Or watch a movie together. My oldest used to pat her brother on the head while he was nursing and we were reading together. I know this quiet time helped their bond – they are still so close!
6) Eat at a Restaurant. Breastfeeding has never kept me home. When we wanted to go out to eat, I’d just grab my sling, and hit the road. In a restaurant, you can arrange baby in your sling, latch her on, scoot into the table, and hands are free for your fork & knife! If you don’t have a sling, you can support baby with one hand (or use your diaper bag on your lap like a Boppy pillow). If I was ever feeling self-conscious, I always found a cloth napkin tucked & draped at just the right angle to be a perfect solution!
7) Attend a La Leche Meeting. If you’ve never been to a LLL meeting, I strongly suggest you try it – at least once! I was nervous to go at first, having heard some strange things over the years about LLL. But once I went, I was so very glad I did! Being able to breastfeed around other women who are all breastfeeding, all going through the same things, having the same worries, and the same questions as I did, was so comforting, and empowering! It also helped me to learn to be more comfortable with nursing in public. You can find a local group by visiting La Leche League’s site:
8) Go Shopping. Once I learned to nurse on the go – in the sling, life became so easy! You can place a fussy baby in the sling, latch her on, and continue down your grocery shopping list, without having to stop to find a place to sit (and keep toddler occupied at the same time). There’s always online shopping too! :)
9) Write, Paint, Draw. Get those thank you cards finished! Channel your creative energy! Breastfeeding is a perfect time to do those one-handed tasks that may not otherwise get finished in the whirlwind of new parenthood. Take advantage of the quiet downtime, and keep your hands & mind busy!
10) Gaze at Your Baby. Particularly in the early months, when baby nurses quietly, without too much motion or distraction, gazing lovingly at baby increases the bond you have with baby. Gentle touches, stroking her hair, talking or singing softly, are all wonderful ways to get to know your baby better… all the while reveling in the miracle of her being and your breastfeeding – you’re the reason your baby is here, and you are the reason she’s growing! Yay mama!