…Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.

~Robert Frost (from The Road Not Taken)

Parenting naturally means following your natural instincts when it comes to parenting. Over the years for us, parenting naturally has meant co-sleeping in a family bed, breastfeeding, delayed/selective vaccinations, baby led weaning, using gentle discipline, eating natural, organic, vegetarian foods, and following our childrens' lead when it comes to education. But more important than the whats in natural parenting is the whys: listening to what we know, what we feel, naturally about our children – following that innate urge we have to protect: to nurture them, to keep them safe, away from pain, out of harm’s reach. It is keeping our babies close to us, feeding them when they root, responding when they cry – realizing that even before they know how to speak they are communicating with us – and doing what we can to help them get comfortable again.  This instinct is natural and primitive; keeping our babies safe keeps our human species alive.

But following our instincts, particularly in this time of super-access to information, can sometimes be difficult. Often we’re led to believe something we read or hear – even if it goes against what we might feel deep down inside.  Maybe it’s because a doctor or our mother or a friend we trust said it; or it's something we read in a magazine or book or on a website we respect.  It’s a challenging task to try to extract bits of the mass amounts of information available to us, balance it with our own feelings, beliefs, and understanding of the world, and then, take that mix and apply it to the sensitive, complex, and sometimes confusing realm of parenting; all without losing sight of the very important natural instincts and sense of rightness, justness, and goodness towards our children that we all develop when we become parents. Our own sense of protection, justice, and connection to our children can be lost in the noise of what everyone else says & thinks. We may come to feel that our instinctual reactions towards our children are less than necessary to care for them because it may fall outside of the cultural norms of the day (think things like: letting babies cry it out or sleep completely separately). Our instinct can be drowned out when we’re constantly told, “You’re doing it wrong”.

(Photographer: Kathy Phillips     Source: Flickr) 

This is a dangerous trend, because instinct is the key to raising comfortable, confident, secure, healthy children.  Without it, our children can be at risk; at the very least, without following our instincts, we put our children at a disadvantage.  As parents, we need to learn to tune more clearly into our own natural nurturing skills, and turn down the volume on everything else; to trust ourselves, to take the road less traveled, even when it’s difficult to do so…

When my son was born early, our natural parenting instinct kicked into full gear. Our baby was tiny. He needed protection. Against the policy of the hospital, we insisted he be put on my chest while the doctors were sewing up my birth incision. Against the urging of the nurses, we insisted that he not be separated from us for testing. When he developed severe jaundice, we insisted on a biliblanket instead of the traditional method of incubator light treatment, so that I could continue to keep him skin to skin and nursing around the clock, and could bring him home from the hospital earlier. We also insisted that he not be circumcised.

Why did we insist on leaving our son intact – a decision “less popular” in our area? Why did we choose to say “No” to the nurses and doctors in the hospital who asked (several times) if/when we’d be circumcising? Why did we choose not to circumcise even when people reminded us that he won’t “look like his daddy”, or regaled us with stories of people who had to have a circumcision later in life because of an infection, or scared us with concerns that it’s “hard to clean” (Which, its not; it’s actually very easy. See here.)?

Well, there are two answers.

1) The information-laden one, in which we read and studied and looked at all of the reasons why circumcision is not necessary: 

-         The American Academy of Pediatrics doesn’t recommend routine infant circumcision (in fact many health organizations around the world do not recommend circumcision as a routine procedure)

-         The foreskin serves several vital purposes like immunological defense and sexual function (Dionna at Code Name Mama does an excellent job of detailing each of the functions the foreskin)

-         Circumcision is a painful surgical procedure which brings with it (just like any surgery), the possibility of infection, blood loss, and even death

-         Circumcision can negatively affect normal sleep patterns of the newborn, bonding of the newborn with his mother, and difficulties breastfeeding (due to the fact that many babies react to the intense pain by “shutting down” or going into a post-traumatic state of shock)

-         Circumcision is not the norm in the rest of the world, and is fast becoming not the norm in the United States (in 2009 the circumcision rate in the United States was only around 33%).

And,

2) The instinctual one, in which we just did what felt right:

-         We didn’t want to hurt our baby.

-         Our newborn trusted us completely to protect him, nourish him, and keep him safe and healthy.

-         Our baby was born perfect. He didn’t need elective cosmetic surgery.

-         Our son's body belongs to him; it isn't ours to alter.  

Circumcising him, which would have meant exposing him to severe pain and permanent alterations to the most sensitive part of his body (and in doing so taking away his right to control the look and function of his own body), would have violated his trust in us, and gone against our mama- & papa-bear instinct to protect him and keep him from harm.  Above all else, even beyond the information reassuring us that it was the right decision, and even amidst the people telling us it would be a harder row to hoe, we listened most clearly to our instinct: protect our baby.  I am grateful we chose that path, I hope that others will choose the same path as the tide of infant circumcision is changing and more children are kept intact because parents are listening to their instincts. 

It isn't easy to listen to our instincts, and we don't always get it right.  Sometimes we make choices based on the information we have at the time, and come to realize later, we wish we'd made a different choice.  It happens in parenting, and in life, but I try not to dwell on things I wish I did differently as a parent.  Instead, I strive to continually work on learning to trust myself to continue to make more right decisions than wrong ones when it comes to my children.  When the noise of the information of the world gets loud, I am learning to lower the volume, and tune more clearly into what my instinct is telling me is right for my own children, and I try to walk that path, even if it is the more difficult one. I’m not talking about completely ignoring advice or facts or studies or opinions, or eschewing research or medical advice.  I am saying that before we make important decisions affecting our children, particularly permanent ones, take that information in and measure it critically against the most important tool we have in our toolbox to care for our children – our instinct.  No, it’s not always easy! But then, the things that are most difficult are usually the things most important; most worth doing.

Here’s to trusting your instincts, and taking the road less traveled.

For more information on infant circumcision please read:

Ten Reasons NOT to Circumcise Your Baby Boy

http://www.intactamerica.org/resources/decision

The Effects of Circumcision on Newborn Boys:

http://codenamemama.com/2010/06/10/circumcision-newborn/

Where is My Foreskin? The Case Against Circumcision

http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/fleiss.html

A Case Against Circumcision:

http://www.owningpink.com/blogs/owning-pink/case-against-circumcision

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This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our Carnival coincides with the launch of Natural Parents Network, a community of parents and parents-to-be who practice or are interested in attachment parenting and natural family living. Join us at Natural Parents Network to be informed, empowered, and inspired!

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Stop by Natural Parents Network today to see excerpts from everyone's posts, and please visit a few to read more! Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Three of the participants below will instead be featured on Natural Parents Network throughout the month, so check back at NPN!

This list will be updated November 9 with all the carnival links. We've arranged it this month according to the categories of our NPN resource pages on "What Is Natural Parenting?"

Attachment/Responsive Parenting

Attachment/responsive parenting is generally considered to include the following (descriptions/lists are not exhaustive; please follow each link to learn more):

1. PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND PARENTING:
   • "Preparing for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting" — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes knows better now how to prepare for her second baby, focusing on attachment rather than nursery curtains. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 23. (@sheryljesin)
   • "Begin at the Beginning" — Alison at BluebirdMama examines the first type of natural parenting she experienced: birthing at home. (@BluebirdMama)
2. FEED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT:
   • "Going With the {Tandem Milk} Flow" — Despite being told she would never be able to nurse her toddler through pregnancy, Jessika at Job Description: Mommy successfully nursed through her entire pregnancy, and she continues tandem nursing her two little ones fifteen months later! (@JobDescMommy)
   • "Breastfeeding with Love and Respect" — Resisting the pressure to give up, breastfeeding was the way Dionna at NursingFreedom.org persisted in nourishing her son. (@NursingFreedom)
   • "Why Should I Call It Extended?" — Amy at Toddler In Tow provides scientifically based research to support child-led weaning.
3. RESPOND WITH SENSITIVITY:
   • "Attachment Parenting Chose Us" — For a child who is born "sensitive," attachment parenting is more a way of life than a parenting "choice." Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her experiences. (@CodeNameMama)
   • "Parenting in the Present" — Acacia at Be Present Mama parents naturally by being fully present.
   • "Parenting With Heart" — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment parents naturally because healthy attachments early in life help our little ones grow into healthy, functioning adults.
4. USE NURTURING TOUCH:
   • "Nurturing through touch" — Lauren at Hobo Mama finds that loving touch is a thread that runs through all her natural parenting practices. (@Hobo_Mama)
5. ENSURE SAFE SLEEP:
   • "Sometimes I Wish We Coslept" — Sheila at A Gift Universe has started to add cosleeping into her sleep routines and has found frequently unspoken benefits. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 30. (@agiftuniverse)
6. PROVIDE CONSISTENT AND LOVING CARE:
   • "Attachment Parenting . . . and Nanny Makes Three?" — When Jen at Grow with Graces first started interviewing nannies, she was looking for practicalities. After a few months with her first nanny, she's going to hire someone new, and this time, she'll make sure the nanny believes in AP principles. (@growwithgraces)
   • "Do You Have This?" — For Rachael at The Variegated Life, natural parenting is about love and giving, rather than the alienation and longing present in so many in our Western culture. (@RachaelNevins)
   • "What Natural Parenting Looks Like in Our Family" — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker shares what natural parenting is like as your little ones grow up.
7. PRACTICE GENTLE/POSITIVE DISCIPLINE:
   • "Unconditional Parenting" — The philosophy of Alfie Kohn resonates with Erin at Multiple Musings, who does not want to parent (or teach) using rewards and punishment. (@ErinLittle)
8. STRIVE FOR BALANCE IN PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE:
   • "Reducing Screen Time" — How does Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments meaningfully connect with her kids every day? She turns off the TV.
   • Also see our October Carnival all about finding balance!

Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature

• "Healing Through Elimination Communication Part 1" — Amy at Innate Parenting explains how practicing elimination communication has helped her whole family gain awareness and healing in many areas of their lives. (@InnateWholeness)
• "Outgrowing the Little Potties" — Stacy at Mama-Om is proud to be the "weird lady" who practices elimination communication with her babies. (@mama_om)
• "Let's Talk Diapers" — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude started using cloth diapers because she felt they were a safer choice for her child; she stuck with them because they are convenient.

Holistic Health Practices

• "Supporting Natural Immunity" — If you have decided against the traditional vaccination schedule, Starr at Earth Mama has some helpful tips for strengthening your children's immune systems naturally.

Natural Learning

• "Acceptance as a Key to Natural Parenting" — Because Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog values accepting and responding to her daughter's needs, she was able to unravel the mystery of her daughter's learning "challenges." (@myzerowaste)
• "Let Them Look" — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy makes time to look at, to touch, and to drool on the pinecones.
• "Why I Love Unschooling" — Unschooling isn't just about learning for Darcel at The Mahogany Way — it is a way of life. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• "Is He Already Behind?"Ever worry that your baby or toddler is behind the curve? Danielle at born.in.japan will reassure you about the many ways your little one is learning — naturally — every day. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 16. (@borninjp)
• "How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning" — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now offers tips on how to understand and nurture your child's natural learning style. (@DebChitwood)

Healthy Living

• "What 'Healthy Eating' Means to Me" — Wonder how a family of five makes healthy eating a priority? Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares some common sense tips. (@sunfrog)
• "What is Natural Parenting? Embracing Real Food" — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has always wanted to give her children the most nutritious foods possible: first through breastfeeding, and later through healthy, whole foods. (@bfmom)

Parenting Philosophies

• "Natural Parenting — Lazy Parenting" — To Olivia at Write About Birth, natural parenting isn't about a fixed set of ideals, but about what is instinctual. (@writeaboutbirth)
• "I'm not the most crunchy, but I'm still au naturel" — Jessica at This is Worthwhile follows her gut and parents with respect, and that's what feels natural to her. (@tisworthwhile)
• "Because Natural comes Naturally" — Breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping — Bess at mommakesmilk does these things because they feel right. (@MumtoEve)
• "What Do You Mean 'Natural Parenting'?" — Luschka at Diary of a First Child fell into natural parenting by listening to her baby and her own instincts. (@lvano)
• "One Little Change at a Time" — Ashley at Domestic Chaos made one small change at a time until "natural parenting" wasn't a punchline, but a way of life. (@ashleympoland)
• "WHY Attachment Parenting?" — While they might take some work to put into practice, Momma Jorje at A Slightly Crunchy Momma finds that all of the tenets of attachment parenting fit her family.
• "Yours, Respectfully" — For Kellie at Our Mindful Life, natural parenting is about being respectful: to yourself, your children, and your surroundings.
• "The Natural Parenting Label" — Michelle at The Parent Vortex explains that natural parenting is a mindset, not a set of specific choices or a few fancy acronyms. (@TheParentVortex)
• "When Our Children Are Grown" — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children parents naturally, because she is building a firm foundation for her children.
• "What is Natural Parenting to a Witch Mom?" — Lily at Witch Mom has planned out what she wants for her son, from health to socialization to interactions with the natural world. (@lilyshahar)
• "Attachment Parenting and Our Family" — Semi-crunchy Mama at Adventures in Mommyhood takes us through the way the Baby Bs have transformed their family of four. (@crunchymamato2)
• "I'm a Mama...Naturally" — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. didn't intend to parent naturally, but it happened by instinct.

Political and Social Activism

• "A Private Matter" — Amy at Anktangle, who is a Registered Nurse, describes her encounters with circumcision in a medical environment and why they guided her decision to leave her own baby boy intact. (@anktangle)
• "Natural Parenting, Following Our Instincts, and Keeping Our Son Intact" — Kelly at KellyNaturally went against the tide and refused to circumcise her son. (@kellynaturally)
• "Relying on Kindness" — Sure, Navelgazing Bajan at Navelgazing wants her son to be kind — but kindness is not enough. (@BlkWmnDoBF)