At dinner last night, the subject of our recently passed dog, Haley came up. I said that I missed her. My children echoed that sentiment. My 2 yo then asked, "Where is Haley?" to which I replied that she died; her body was very sick, and died (we had previously discussed this at length when she was sick with cancer, and at her passing). He said, "but where IS she?" To which my 5 yo replied, "Well, she’s probably another person by now".
It was just then, that I saw that my spiritual “beliefs”, as much as I’ve tried not to foist them on my children, are developing in my childrens’ minds. I’ve talked to my daughter about my thoughts about death & “reincarnation” of sorts… in that I believe when a body dies, there is an energy, a spirit, life force, soul, whathaveyou, that continues on. The body is just a container for that energy. The energy is what makes you, YOU. Maybe this energy goes back into the earth – to help the trees grow stronger, maybe it finds its way into another animal, or newborn baby. And thus the life cycle & energy cycle continues. The more positive we are in life, the more energy we have, the more we have to give & share with others on our life path. I don’t have any proof of this. I don’t have any documentation or books or doctrine. I just feel it. I feel we’re connected with everything & everyone living. I feel it when we take walks in nature. I felt it supremely with my dog, when she was living… if my energy was low, sad, angry… just being close to her filled me up. My children are the same way – full of energy & light. I want to pass this along to them – this feeling of connectedness with the earth & people around them. That if they’re feeling low, a hug from a friend, a walk in the woods, a pat of a dog can help you feel more positive, and when you're positive you're more creative, and more intelligent, and able to pass positive energy on to others through the things that you say & do in life.
It made me feel good to hear her say what she did. Yet, there was a bit of discomfort there as well, since, I’m just not SURE about these things. My feelings about spirituality are just how I FEEL, and am continually adjusting & growing in my thoughts about life, as I move through it. Yet, so many things in life I tell them, I’m SURE about: running into the street without looking is dangerous, going out in the winter without a coat will make you cold. But death? Or the reason for life? The bigger meaning? I haven’t figured that out; so it’s a bit disconcerting, when they’re looking to me for certainties, to say, “Well, this is what I THINK…”. But for now, that’s where I am. And they seem okay with that. I think I’ll go take a walk.